It Could Be Worse

I lost another 0.4 pound.  I’m not thrilled, but I kind of expected it.  I did go to the gym today, so that’s something.  It’s so cold out, which makes it hard to leave the house at the best of times and working out is not the best of times for me. 

I did finish the February Lady Sweater.  It’s drying now and I might be able to wear it tomorrow.  If not then, Tuesday for sure.  I haven’t actually tried it on since it’s been totally done.  I hope that my attempts at  lengthening it a little were successful.  If not, it’s not a big deal. 

I also started a sock.  I’m using some of the yarn I got with the Chewy Spaghetti Blue Plate Special Sock Club.  I’m making up the pattern, which is just plain stockinette with a cable running down both sides.  Although I know I could have found several patterns like it online, I kind of impressed that I’m making the entire thing up.  I think I may end giving the pair to my mom.  I had a pair made for her for Christmas.  As I was about to wrap them, I noticed that one sock was noticeably shorter than the other.  I have no idea how that happened, since I am pretty good about keeping track of my rounds.  So, I owe her a pair. 

And, I’ve also cast on for another sweater.  Last spring or so, I bought 6 skeins of Patons Merino in an off-white color at Michaels.  I had heard that it’s a decent workhorse yarn and the price is reasonable.  I”m using The Knitter’s Handy Book of Sweater Patterns by Ann Budd as my guide, but I’m kind of making it up as I go.  It’s going to be a pretty plain cardigan.  I really, really love cardigans.  It’ll be worked from the bottom up and I’m going to attempt to do a hemmed edge, rather than a ribbed edge or something else.  I like the look of a hemmed edge, but I’m not sure I’ll have the patience for it. 

Other than that, I’ve gotten some work done on the coworker’s scarf.  I really am not happy with how it looks, but I think she’ll be fine with it.  Garter stitch isn’t my favorite look except in small amounts.  At least it has stripes.

I take that back

I don’t hate weekends.  Last weekend was fabulous on the eating end.   I didn’t think about food all the time and I didn’t wander in the kitchen looking for something to eat at random moments.  On Monday, it dawned on me that eating wasn’t a big deal.  Score one for me!  I’ve heard that it takes two weeks to change a habit.  Maybe I just needed to change the habit I had of thoughtless eating.

I’m not looking forward to this weekend’s weigh in, even with a good start.  I’ve eaten more than my share of food that, while not completely unhealthy, aren’t good choices for me.  My boss gave me a package of chocolate covered coffee beans on Thursday.  I ate the entire thing.  I just can’t have one of something and let it go.  Today I felt slightly pukey and I had quite a few packages of saltines.  Carbs are my kryptonite. 

I suppose I should work on creating the new habit of moderation.  Ya’ think?

I’ve filed a claim against the Etsy seller through PayPal and reported her to Etsy.  It makes me sad.  I really enjoy buying from sellers on Etsy.  I always found cute, original items and I like supporting small, independent sellers.  I’ve had nothing but good experiences until now.  I’ll be much more careful in the future, that’s for sure.  Looking back, there really weren’t any red flags that I should have noticed, but I’ll look for sellers who are recommended by other people, rather than browsing and finding someone.  I’ll also look carefully for when they last sold an item.  The Bad Etsy Seller (BES) hadn’t had a sale since November, 2008.  Just two months fromwhen I placed my order, but maybe something I should have thought about.  The BES had 100% positive feedback too.  Well, until today.

Going Down

I’m down 3 point something  pounds this week, with a total of 6.8.   I feel great about it.  This week’s pretty decent loss makes up for last week’s not-so-good loss.  It all evens out, which is what I suspected would happen.  I actually worked out to an exercise dvd yesterday (The Biggest Loser Cardio Burn).  I am very, very sore today.  There was a lot of lunges and squats on it and I can feel it today.  But, it’s all good.  I think I’ll try and do it again tomorrow.

In knitting news:  I finished the body of the February Lady Sweater yesterday.  I could have made it a little longer, though I’m hoping that I can block it so that it gets to a length that I like.  If it doesn’t, it’s just fine.  I’ll start on the sleeves today.  I would love for it to be done next week.

I’m also still dealing with the scarf for my coworker.  I have frogged this thing at least 7 times.  I really would like to do a rib, but every one that I’ve tried curls in.  I’ve done garter stitch edges and I’ve messed around with the kind of rib (3×2, 4×1, 2×2).  So, now I’m just doing a garter stitch scarf.  Very boring, but at least there’s stripes.  I would have loved to do a Harry Potter-ish striped scarf, but that requires twice the amount of yarn I have, plus it would take twice the amount of time.  I think my coworker will be happy, no matter what, I just need to get this thing done.

I also placed an order from an etsy seller for some yarn for socks for my sister.  The etsy store states and orders are mailed in 3 business days.  It’s been 8 business days and there’s been no mention of my yarn being mailed.  I’m pissed.  I’ve contacted her through etsy twice and emailed her once.  The biggest red flag is that when I placed my order, there were about 5 other skeins of yarn for sale.  Now, there is nothing in her shop and my order is the only one placed since November.  She obviously took everything down from the shop.  I hope that she had sold the yarn somewhere else and forgot to take it off her etsy shop and is getting some dyed for me.  A little communication would be nice.  I would totally understand and be willing to wait if she bothered to contact me and explain things.

Lazy day today and tomorrow!  I’m so glad.  I had been having a hard time sleeping and thought that maybe it was time to take a day off from work to clear my head.  I think tomorrow will be just the thing I need.

The Elephant in My Head

Have you ever had something that you wanted to say, that really needed to be said, that you just couldn’t say? 

I have an elephant in my head.  It’s there all the time, wanting and needing to be acknowledged.  With me all the time, constantly there.  Usually right up there at the front, sometimes a quieter back seat, but always there.

And if I talk about the elephant, things will change.  Probably profoundly change, at least for awhile, but it might change the rest of my life.  Once that elephant is loose, there’ll probably be more.  There might not be elephants, but at least a herd of zebra.  Things to “deal with” and “issues” to talk about.

The great thing about not talking about the elephant is that things will go along as they’ve gone along.  I know what that’s like, it’s kind of comfortable.  Yeah, the elephant’s there, but it’s manageable.  Besides, I’ve lived with the elephant for awhile now and I know how to deal with it. 

What if I let the elephant (and that herd of zebras) out?  Upheaval, turmoil, change.  Running across my calm savanna. 

It doesn’t have to be bad, I know that.  Good can come out of getting that elephant out.  Lots of good.  I just don’t know if it’s going to be worth it to take that chance.  It’s not just my life that will be affected.  Plus, I would have to find a good elephant wrangler to help out.  Do I have time in my busy day to fit one more thing in? 

Of course, I have the fear that someday the elephant is going to come out whether I like it or not.  Probably at a not-so-good time, in a not-so-good place.  And once it’s out there, I can’t take it back, I can’t not-talk about it.  It’ll be the Elephant in the Room and I always talk about those.

I feel better, oh so better

And, best of all, I get to knit tonight.  Yesterday was spent not-knitting, not-reading, not-doing.  Not fun.  I was *this close* to calling a sub last night, but I decided to use the wait-and-see approach.  It was a good approach because I woke up mostly pain free. My back was a little stiff, but that’s to be expected when you’ve spent the previous day laying down. 

I do have a bit of a headache this evening, like the headache I had on Saturday, and the headache I had on Sunday (the least of my worries). 

 

Oh god…this can’t be turning into one of those catalog-my-illnesses kind of blog.  I’m getting too old.

A little is better than nothing

I’m down 0.4 this week, which makes a total loss of 3.6 pounds.  It’s better than a gain. 

I woke up this morning with terrible joint pain.  Not just stiffness that I sometimes get from sleeping really hard and not moving.  Every joint in my body hurt, and I had a headache again.  I took some Advil and dozed for about 45 minutes.  The pain is better, but not completely gone and I feel exhausted in body.  I won’t lie, this worries me.  I don’t get sick, aside from a cold now and then.  I’ve never felt like this, either. 

I’m going to go and google joint pain and freak myself out.

Yes, I do actually knit and read.

Here’s my issue with the blogging of the kniting and reading, especially with the knitting.  Pictures are kind of expected, right?  I mean, it’s nice to see what the actual finished product (or in progress product) looks like.  I get that and I love to see pictures on other blogs. 

I suck at taking pictures.

It’s not that I’m bad at it, though that could certainly be the case, but I’m not one of those people that takes a lot of pictures.  I suppose I could argue that I like to live in the moment, rather than try to capture it for later.  Yeah, I could do that.  Except, that’s not exactly true when it comes to knitting.  To take a picture of knitting requires some kind of arranging of the knitted item.  Then, after a picture (or 50) is taken, I need to download it on my laptop, put it up on Flickr, and then put it in here. 

I’m inherently lazy. 

I would rather spend that time knitting, or reading, or whatever.  Dealing with what it takes to get a picture of the knitting and then on to here, is just too much effort.  It’s way easier to log in here and just write about something.  Not that it makes it good for you, but it’s all about me, right? 

In any case, that’s the issue. 

So, I’m knitting the February Lady Sweater (FLS) in a burgandy color of Cascade 220.  I like it, and I’m pretty close to being finished with the body.  Maybe that part will get done this weekend. 

I’m also working on a scarf for a co-worker.  It’s also done in Cascade 220, but it’s striped gold and black, our school colors.  She passed her National Board Certification, so I told her (and the other co-worker who passed) that I would knit her whatever small item she wanted.  She wanted a striped scarf in our school colors.  I’m just doing a basic 3×2 rib.  I’ve started this scarf about 5 times, fiddling with the number of stitches cast on and what kind of rib to do.  I hope I’ve found something that will lay flat and not curl and that’s wide enough.  I’m only about 4 rows in, so it’s hard to tell.

I’m awaiting some yarn to make a pair of socks for my sister.  I have to finish the FLS first before I start on those, though.  If I don’t stick to my two main projects, nothing will ever get actually finished.

That’s what’s up for knitting.  On the reading front, I’m reading the second book in a series by George R.R. Martin.  It’s technically a fantasy, but reading more like historical fiction and is supposed to be somewhat based on the War of the Roses.  It’s good, but I’m lucky if I read more than 5 pages a night before I fall asleep.  I actually don’t mind waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep because that gives me some additional reading time. 

Tomorrow’s the weigh in.  I’m a little scared.  I weigh myself almost every morning, and things have not looked good.  I’ve been doing well at eating healthy foods this week and watching the amount I’ve been eating.  Even though I said I needed to look at the amount lost over a month, rather than day by day or week by week, seeing the number go down is a great incentive to keep going.  I haven’t done any exercising, for various reasons (excuses, excuses!).  I know exercise would help things a little, but it’s never been the thing that has made a difference for me as far as weight loss.  I need to just get with it. 

Maybe tomorrow.

Three point Two

That’s my weight loss for this week.  I’m very happy, to say the least. 

From past experience, I know that I tend to lose nicely in the beginning.  I definitely don’t want to lose three pounds every week, which would be unhealthy.  But, this first week a lot is water weight, and just going from eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to more sensible and controlled eating.  My goal is one pound a week, but two would be great, I won’t lie.  I’ve also noticed in the past that my period makes a difference in my appetite and my weight loss (appetite is out of control, weight loss is nonexistant).  It’s probably better for me to look for an average of 5-8 pounds every four weeks, rather than a weekly rate.  I’ll keep that in mind and see what happens. 

I checked out the Weight Watchers website last night.  They have a new program, Momentum, which I didn’t find to be all that different than what they had before.  It kind of combines their Flex and Core Plans.  I’m still thinking about ditching the membership.  I know exactly what to do, I’ve done it before.  I don’t get anything out of the forums, and I could print off the food lists and stuff.  I’m going to look into sparkpeople.com (I think that’s what it is), as I’ve heard it’s useful, and it’s free.  Bonus!

I hate weekends

For that matter, I also hate having the summers off.  Well, at least as far as weight loss goes.  The other benefits are pretty awesome.  When I’m home, it’s far too easy for me to snack all day.  When I’m working, I’m busy and I don’t have the instant access to food like I do here at home.  We don’t generally have junk food, but it’s still possible to eat too much of a good thing. 

I’m going to make my official weigh-ins on Sunday mornings.  It gives me a little more incentive to be more mindful of what I eat over the weekend.  I’ll think more on Saturday because I know that I’ll have to face the scale on Sunday morning.  Seeing a loss Sunday morning will help me stay on track the rest of the day.  It’s all about mindgames, people!

So far, so good.  I totally expect to see a loss tomorrow morning. 

I’m also so thankful that I’ll be going back to work on Monday.

New Year….New Me

Well, a better me, I guess. 

Some of you know that I had lost a lot of weight about 2 years ago.  I wasn’t done with it, but I let things go and my weight’s been creeping back up, especially in the last year.  I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of not feeling good when I get dressed in the morning, wondering if my pants are too tight to wear.  I’m tired of overeating, especially things that aren’t healthy, and then feeling guilty about it.  Most of all, I’m tired of feeling disappointed in myself.

So, I’m starting fresh today.  I know what I need to do.  I’ve faced the number on the scale and have written it down.  I’ll keep track of what I eat, which always helps me.  I’ll start going to the gym again.  I still have my membership to Weight Watchers, though I may get rid of that.  I didn’t really use it and it seems silly to spend the money on something that isn’t useful.  I’ll keep it another month and see if I use it, now that I’m getting serious again.

The other part of my plan is to keep track of things here.  I’m not ready to post numbers or anything, but I think a general commentary on my progress will help.  I tend to be very analytical, so reflection on things is good for me. 

My goal is to lose a pound a week.  Josh and I are planning to go to Italy in July, so I should be able to lose about 25 pounds by then.  That will get me close to where I was before I started gaining again.  It would feel great to be at that weight again. 

To the few of  you that read this, any words of encouragement/kicks in the ass/prodding that you want to do would be much appreciated.  While I ultimately want to be healthy, knowing that others are “watching” will help me stay on track when things are hard. 

And, hey, I may even throw in some knitting content now and again.