The Elephant in My Head

Have you ever had something that you wanted to say, that really needed to be said, that you just couldn’t say? 

I have an elephant in my head.  It’s there all the time, wanting and needing to be acknowledged.  With me all the time, constantly there.  Usually right up there at the front, sometimes a quieter back seat, but always there.

And if I talk about the elephant, things will change.  Probably profoundly change, at least for awhile, but it might change the rest of my life.  Once that elephant is loose, there’ll probably be more.  There might not be elephants, but at least a herd of zebra.  Things to “deal with” and “issues” to talk about.

The great thing about not talking about the elephant is that things will go along as they’ve gone along.  I know what that’s like, it’s kind of comfortable.  Yeah, the elephant’s there, but it’s manageable.  Besides, I’ve lived with the elephant for awhile now and I know how to deal with it. 

What if I let the elephant (and that herd of zebras) out?  Upheaval, turmoil, change.  Running across my calm savanna. 

It doesn’t have to be bad, I know that.  Good can come out of getting that elephant out.  Lots of good.  I just don’t know if it’s going to be worth it to take that chance.  It’s not just my life that will be affected.  Plus, I would have to find a good elephant wrangler to help out.  Do I have time in my busy day to fit one more thing in? 

Of course, I have the fear that someday the elephant is going to come out whether I like it or not.  Probably at a not-so-good time, in a not-so-good place.  And once it’s out there, I can’t take it back, I can’t not-talk about it.  It’ll be the Elephant in the Room and I always talk about those.