Generational Hand-Me-Down

I’m not especially close to my family, and this holds particularily true for my extended family.  Growing up, I lived with my mom and step-dad (my dad, really) and we always lived at least an hour away from other family, including my dad.  So, I never knew my extended family except for holiday gatherings, or, in the case of my dad’s family, the rare visit on his (equally rare) weekends*.  I’m the oldest grandchild and the only girl until I was about 10.  My cousins on my dad’s side are all very close and many of them live in the same city, hang out together, and are friends.  I wouldn’t know them if I saw them on the street.  On my mom’s side, I’m the oldest grandchild, and the only girl until my sister was born when I was 11. 

My grandparents weren’t a part of my life and while I didn’t miss that for myself (since I didn’t know that), I hate that LouLa doesn’t have grandparents in her life, either.  I wish my parents lived closer and were able to see her grow up and change.  Right now my mom and step-dad live a 14 hour drive away, and my dad lives a 7 hour drive away.  She’s their only grandchild and probably will be for quite a few more years.  Josh’s family lives close, but sees LouLa about the same amount that my family does. 

I don’t want to hand down that distance from family that I had.  As I said, I didn’t miss it, but I miss it for LouLa.  My parents (all of them) would love to be a part of her life.  My mom and step-dad are planning on moving closer someday, but my mom doesn’t feel like she can until her mother passes away.  I totally understand that, but I see the years passing so quickly.  It’s already been five years.  Five more will go by just as quickly.  My dad and his family have professions and love where they live.  I wouldn’t mind moving to be closer to them, but the cost of living is so much higher there and we wouldn’t make any more money, so that’s just not possible.

I guess I can only do the best that I can do.  Right now, LouLa sees my mom and step-dad about once a year and she sees my dad and his family about twice a year.  She talks on the phone with them, sends them cards, and we send pictures.  I think she feels more comfortable around them than I ever felt around my grandparents.  My dad and his family will be visiting for a weekend in April and my mom and step-dad are coming out for about a week when Josh and I go to Italy this summer.  We’ll start there and hope that the year brings other visits.   

     

 

*I don’t mean to insinuate that my dad did something wrong.  I believe that it takes two people to divorce and two people to be involved in their kids’ visitation, or lack thereof.  Both of my parents did the best they could and I think they would make different choices if they could redo it.